I agree with the spirit of this approach and especially with saying no to free "swag" (I work in higher ed, and free college-branded swag is prolific and hugely wasteful!). It's important to communicate to the business and other entities giving this stuff away that more new stuff is *not* desirable even if it is free (maybe especially if it's free... its free-ness just leads to more accumulation but also to placing less value on it).
But I think differently about free *secondhand* items: if I can repurpose, rehome, or otherwise save an item from the landfill, then I'll do it. I've definitely grabbed perfectly good items from the curb on garbage day (my neighborhood is relatively wealthy and people throw out a lot of things that should be reused) and offered them up on Buy Nothing and if there are no takers held on to them until I make a donation run. I think of this habit as a kind of service. It's a pain but keeping things out of the landfill or incinerator is more important to me than having a Kondo-esque home!
Me too! I also gift things I find in dumpsters sometimes-- for example I got 4 still-beautiful potted begonias from the Aldi dumpster near my office yesterday and I plan to revive them a bit with watering and then offer them up to my immediate neighbors or on the Buy Nothing group. Feels like a tiny act of resistance.
I too avoid free stuff because of all these reasons. I have a question for the group on a niche category of free stuff. I have kids and these kids get invited to birthday parties and at these birthday parties they receive party favor bags loaded with free stuff—annoying, small free stuff. Like temptoos that will be put in a drawer and never used and dollar store fidget spinners that will break upon one use and be thrown away and stickers of dubious quality—so many you could never use them all. I know that loving, creative hard-working moms put so much thought and care into these gift baggies, so I realize I’m revealing myself as an asshole but: I don’t want this shit in my house! Is there a graceful way to bow out? I don’t want to disrespect a party host, or be an obnoxious ingrate. But why must we do this? Does anyone have a strategy for saying “No, thank you” that doesn’t alienate a birthday party host? I’d love to hear your thoughts/experiences.
I had this same problem when my kids were younger (they are now 16 and 12 so they have aged out of cheap party favors). I never said anything directly to the party host, but sometimes there was a way to "forget" to pick up the party favor bag. Gretchen Rubin said she had some apothecary jars and her kids put their party favors in these jars. Then when they had friends over, they would look through the jars and the friends could keep whatever they wanted.
Ugh I totally agree. This year I started putting all the trinket crap into a shoebox that I hide from the kids. On Halloween I put out two bowls, one with candy and one with the plastic crap. It was a hit. It doesn’t solve the source of the problem (I’m all for spreading “no gifts please” at parties and therefore no party favors) - and unfortunately this crap does continue to circulate to other homes this way. But it was a nice way of providing non-candy options and greatly reducing/reusing that stuff while making kids happy.
Oh my gosh I loathe those party favor bags!! My kids are always so excited to get them though, so I let them bring them home. I do monitor the crap after it comes into the house and after they stop marveling at all the things (i.e. by the next day) I gather them up and store until I can find a place to donate. Sometimes doctors or dentist offices, or schools, with re-use them as trinkets to add to their "treasure chests" for kids to pick from.
The amount of free "swag" one can pick up at conferences is mind-blowing—so many T-shirts and tote bags. When I work with people on clean-outs, I have to remind them that there are only so many tote bags you can use and so many shirts you can wear. Utility isn't necessity.
My freebie weakness is the little free library. Luckily, I can return those books into the ecosystem but not until I read them and that's where the trouble begins.
Oh my gosh SAME about the Little Free Libraries! I really have to hold myself back. I don't keep books after I read them (I love to pass them on or put them in Free Libraries) but about half of my closest floor is covered in piles of books that I plan to read but haven't yet.... yikes!
No, you are spot on! All the giveaways, even a free pen, ends up adding to the clutter. We went to a home improvement show and my husband gathered all these freebies. I took the “free” tumblers he was carrying around right back to the vendor and said “he’s not allowed to take any more of these”. Everyone got a good laugh, including my husband, but it underlines your point about how we end up with so much stuff we never needed to begin with. Good post. Now I need to go get rid of all those free pens I can’t resist 😂
I used to collect branded wine glasses from wine tasting trips -- then I noticed how much I hate using wine glasses with words on them at home. It's a hard lesson to learn!
Let me push the envelope a bit. I keep thinking about the tariffs and their upcoming impact on all the cheap Chinese goods we gobble up. Apparently, 90% of Christmas merchandise comes from China. Well, so does all the cheap swag at all sorts of booths. A little part of me is looking forward to that source of our consumer sickness just going away. Disappeared by larger market forces. BTW, my husband is also the one who cannot resist 'free' stuff.
Did you ever read Bea Johnson's The Zero Waste Home? If not, I think you'd like it. She talks a lot about the "cost" of free stuff. I totally agree that the seduction of "free" makes us take on things we don't need--ultimately making more work for us!
Nobody else is talking about posting for $10 and giving away from free on Facebook Marketplace. That is genius. I have also learned the hard way that a FREE item on Facebook is asking for insanity.
I’m in the throes of helping my mother unload a lifetime of items that she “collected” and is now completely overwhelmed with. She cares deeply about each and every item finding the right future home, and my dad is just so done with her stuff and wants to take it to the dump. Sadly, my mom is terminally ill, and now all those free antique chairs that need refinishing and caning - well, they’re just a massive burden and she feels responsible for dealing with her stuff so as to not burden her family with everything. And that’s just the 27 chairs…I’m witnessing a very time-consuming and painful process unfold as she is now running out of time and wants to spend what time she has left dealing with all this crap. To me, it seems really sad to be so focused on things at this stage. There are so many lessons here…
I'm sorry you're going through this on all fronts. There's something I read recently about all the china sets that are now just worthless but which older people hang onto believing their heirs will want them, then the heirs receive them and just leave them in boxes forever. This idea that someone will value our things more than we do generally doesn't pan out...I'm sorry your mom is having a hard time with all this. And you too.
Thank you, Rebecca, for your kind words and empathy. The difference in mindset between the Boomers and my generation (Gen X) becomes more evident with the passage of the years. I suppose every generation experiences this. Btw, I get a lot of value out of your content, and eagerly open any emails from your SS. Thank you for the excellent content.
Your point is spot-on (and beautifully written), Rebecca. I’m totally on board. It’s human nature, I suppose, to be drawn to “free” but in the end “free” is a burden. I notice that doing the act of GIVING AWAY free stuff tops the enjoyment I used to get in scoring free stuff.
100% agree. My logic being, if I didn't already know I truly needed this thing or something like it, then I most likely didn't. I'm suspicious of needs or wants I didn't know I have until I saw something. And I already have so many things in my life that I don't want and would like to get rid of.
100% agree. Conferences are notorious for this - so much junk.
I also give away most things instead of trying to sell them. I also know where I can donate a lot of stuff and accumulate until I have enough or are already going to be able to drive by.
I love this rule! I wasn’t always like this. Every time I’d see a FREE box in our neighborhood I couldn’t resist. Now I keep moving. If there’s something I really need buried in that free box a treasures, I can buy it.
I work at an environmental nonprofit and am the primary coordinator for swag. Last year my colleague and I were brainstorming a team gift for the holidays and decided to suggest an extra day off instead of any item. Our leadership liked the idea so we went with that! It felt like such a win rather than subjecting our team to something they probably don’t need or really want
I’m laughing because I am literally reading your post right after coming up from the basement where I saw a kids car that STILL has the free sign taped to it after two years in our possession. I haven’t learned my lesson yet. We’re preparing for a move and I feel so burdened by all the STUFF! So it is now a policy not to take free stuff.
What I think will be hard is moving beyond the dopamine hit. The kids got a little car or a wardrobe through no time or money or effort on my part! Oh the joy! But oh the burden on the other end, of managing the stuff, finding a new home… I’m exhausted and over it.
I agree with the spirit of this approach and especially with saying no to free "swag" (I work in higher ed, and free college-branded swag is prolific and hugely wasteful!). It's important to communicate to the business and other entities giving this stuff away that more new stuff is *not* desirable even if it is free (maybe especially if it's free... its free-ness just leads to more accumulation but also to placing less value on it).
But I think differently about free *secondhand* items: if I can repurpose, rehome, or otherwise save an item from the landfill, then I'll do it. I've definitely grabbed perfectly good items from the curb on garbage day (my neighborhood is relatively wealthy and people throw out a lot of things that should be reused) and offered them up on Buy Nothing and if there are no takers held on to them until I make a donation run. I think of this habit as a kind of service. It's a pain but keeping things out of the landfill or incinerator is more important to me than having a Kondo-esque home!
I also do this (taking stuff and offering on BN) to prevent it from going to landfill! I consider it my public service and environmental service.
Me too! I also gift things I find in dumpsters sometimes-- for example I got 4 still-beautiful potted begonias from the Aldi dumpster near my office yesterday and I plan to revive them a bit with watering and then offer them up to my immediate neighbors or on the Buy Nothing group. Feels like a tiny act of resistance.
Wow you are all such wonderful people to do this!
I too avoid free stuff because of all these reasons. I have a question for the group on a niche category of free stuff. I have kids and these kids get invited to birthday parties and at these birthday parties they receive party favor bags loaded with free stuff—annoying, small free stuff. Like temptoos that will be put in a drawer and never used and dollar store fidget spinners that will break upon one use and be thrown away and stickers of dubious quality—so many you could never use them all. I know that loving, creative hard-working moms put so much thought and care into these gift baggies, so I realize I’m revealing myself as an asshole but: I don’t want this shit in my house! Is there a graceful way to bow out? I don’t want to disrespect a party host, or be an obnoxious ingrate. But why must we do this? Does anyone have a strategy for saying “No, thank you” that doesn’t alienate a birthday party host? I’d love to hear your thoughts/experiences.
I had this same problem when my kids were younger (they are now 16 and 12 so they have aged out of cheap party favors). I never said anything directly to the party host, but sometimes there was a way to "forget" to pick up the party favor bag. Gretchen Rubin said she had some apothecary jars and her kids put their party favors in these jars. Then when they had friends over, they would look through the jars and the friends could keep whatever they wanted.
Ugh I totally agree. This year I started putting all the trinket crap into a shoebox that I hide from the kids. On Halloween I put out two bowls, one with candy and one with the plastic crap. It was a hit. It doesn’t solve the source of the problem (I’m all for spreading “no gifts please” at parties and therefore no party favors) - and unfortunately this crap does continue to circulate to other homes this way. But it was a nice way of providing non-candy options and greatly reducing/reusing that stuff while making kids happy.
Clever solution! Replacing one form of (teeth rotting) crap with another.
Oh my gosh I loathe those party favor bags!! My kids are always so excited to get them though, so I let them bring them home. I do monitor the crap after it comes into the house and after they stop marveling at all the things (i.e. by the next day) I gather them up and store until I can find a place to donate. Sometimes doctors or dentist offices, or schools, with re-use them as trinkets to add to their "treasure chests" for kids to pick from.
If you haven't read Erin Boyle's thoughts on this, I'd highly recommend it. Here are a few relevant posts:
https://eboyle.substack.com/p/taking-inventory
https://eboyle.substack.com/p/very-specific-recommendations-for
The amount of free "swag" one can pick up at conferences is mind-blowing—so many T-shirts and tote bags. When I work with people on clean-outs, I have to remind them that there are only so many tote bags you can use and so many shirts you can wear. Utility isn't necessity.
My freebie weakness is the little free library. Luckily, I can return those books into the ecosystem but not until I read them and that's where the trouble begins.
Ooh, I like this: "Utility isn't necessity" -- just because you can imagine a use for it doesn't mean you need it.
Conference swag is the worst. Usually the stuff is so cheap and the majority of it will end up in a landfill, so it’s so bad for the environment.
Oh my gosh SAME about the Little Free Libraries! I really have to hold myself back. I don't keep books after I read them (I love to pass them on or put them in Free Libraries) but about half of my closest floor is covered in piles of books that I plan to read but haven't yet.... yikes!
EEK. I'm in that same book pile club!! I have a nightstand stacked with "To Read" books.
No, you are spot on! All the giveaways, even a free pen, ends up adding to the clutter. We went to a home improvement show and my husband gathered all these freebies. I took the “free” tumblers he was carrying around right back to the vendor and said “he’s not allowed to take any more of these”. Everyone got a good laugh, including my husband, but it underlines your point about how we end up with so much stuff we never needed to begin with. Good post. Now I need to go get rid of all those free pens I can’t resist 😂
I used to collect branded wine glasses from wine tasting trips -- then I noticed how much I hate using wine glasses with words on them at home. It's a hard lesson to learn!
Let me push the envelope a bit. I keep thinking about the tariffs and their upcoming impact on all the cheap Chinese goods we gobble up. Apparently, 90% of Christmas merchandise comes from China. Well, so does all the cheap swag at all sorts of booths. A little part of me is looking forward to that source of our consumer sickness just going away. Disappeared by larger market forces. BTW, my husband is also the one who cannot resist 'free' stuff.
Did you ever read Bea Johnson's The Zero Waste Home? If not, I think you'd like it. She talks a lot about the "cost" of free stuff. I totally agree that the seduction of "free" makes us take on things we don't need--ultimately making more work for us!
I haven't, but I'll order that from the library now!
Reading about Bea in Sunset magazine in 2010 really sparked my awakening about waste and how we live. Here's the old article while you wait for the library book. That image of their garage ran as a full two-page spread: It was major. https://www.sunset.com/home/natural-home/zero-waste-home-0111#zero-waste-playroom-0111
I remember this too! And her book was hugely inspirational to me.
I remember this! very helpful and intensional - I'm sure I read the book back in the day
Nobody else is talking about posting for $10 and giving away from free on Facebook Marketplace. That is genius. I have also learned the hard way that a FREE item on Facebook is asking for insanity.
I’m in the throes of helping my mother unload a lifetime of items that she “collected” and is now completely overwhelmed with. She cares deeply about each and every item finding the right future home, and my dad is just so done with her stuff and wants to take it to the dump. Sadly, my mom is terminally ill, and now all those free antique chairs that need refinishing and caning - well, they’re just a massive burden and she feels responsible for dealing with her stuff so as to not burden her family with everything. And that’s just the 27 chairs…I’m witnessing a very time-consuming and painful process unfold as she is now running out of time and wants to spend what time she has left dealing with all this crap. To me, it seems really sad to be so focused on things at this stage. There are so many lessons here…
I'm sorry you're going through this on all fronts. There's something I read recently about all the china sets that are now just worthless but which older people hang onto believing their heirs will want them, then the heirs receive them and just leave them in boxes forever. This idea that someone will value our things more than we do generally doesn't pan out...I'm sorry your mom is having a hard time with all this. And you too.
Thank you, Rebecca, for your kind words and empathy. The difference in mindset between the Boomers and my generation (Gen X) becomes more evident with the passage of the years. I suppose every generation experiences this. Btw, I get a lot of value out of your content, and eagerly open any emails from your SS. Thank you for the excellent content.
I’m really sorry about your mom. It seems awful to be watching her go downhill and for her to be concerned about her stuff.
I work for attorneys who do estates and so so much of our people want things to ‘go to someone who will appreciate it’.
Newsflash. That person/organization does not exist.
Sending prayers and comfort for the hard times.
Thank you for your thoughtful words, Sylvia.
Your point is spot-on (and beautifully written), Rebecca. I’m totally on board. It’s human nature, I suppose, to be drawn to “free” but in the end “free” is a burden. I notice that doing the act of GIVING AWAY free stuff tops the enjoyment I used to get in scoring free stuff.
I needed to read this today! Thank you.
100% agree. My logic being, if I didn't already know I truly needed this thing or something like it, then I most likely didn't. I'm suspicious of needs or wants I didn't know I have until I saw something. And I already have so many things in my life that I don't want and would like to get rid of.
100% agree. Conferences are notorious for this - so much junk.
I also give away most things instead of trying to sell them. I also know where I can donate a lot of stuff and accumulate until I have enough or are already going to be able to drive by.
Conference stuff is the worst! Who wants corporate branded stuff??
I love this rule! I wasn’t always like this. Every time I’d see a FREE box in our neighborhood I couldn’t resist. Now I keep moving. If there’s something I really need buried in that free box a treasures, I can buy it.
I 💯 agree!
I work at an environmental nonprofit and am the primary coordinator for swag. Last year my colleague and I were brainstorming a team gift for the holidays and decided to suggest an extra day off instead of any item. Our leadership liked the idea so we went with that! It felt like such a win rather than subjecting our team to something they probably don’t need or really want
I’m laughing because I am literally reading your post right after coming up from the basement where I saw a kids car that STILL has the free sign taped to it after two years in our possession. I haven’t learned my lesson yet. We’re preparing for a move and I feel so burdened by all the STUFF! So it is now a policy not to take free stuff.
What I think will be hard is moving beyond the dopamine hit. The kids got a little car or a wardrobe through no time or money or effort on my part! Oh the joy! But oh the burden on the other end, of managing the stuff, finding a new home… I’m exhausted and over it.
Whenever I want to motivate myself to declutter I think about what if I had to move! And you're living that now, godspeed.