I’ve had similar conversations with a decluttering client who has hoarding disorder and a shopping addiction (Not that holding onto something important and expensive makes you a hoarder!). She also has extra CPAP machines as backups and all sorts of extra tubes, etc, some of which she ordered during one of my appointments. My questions about needing an entire 2nd or 3rd machine vs just some of the parts didn’t help. Obviously her situation is different, given the disorder and past trauma she is working through.
But I’ve also had lots of conversations about small kitchen appliances. The panini press plus Foreman style grill, Instant Pot, Vitamix plus Bullet plus multiple sizes of food processor, toaster oven, air fryer, etc all living in one kitchen. All collecting dust and filling cabinets to the brim. And I work predominantly with single midlife and more mature women. And most of them have indicated they don’t cook a lot.
I think holding onto things like this is really twofold: the money spent and the fantasy self the objects represent. I’ve certainly struggled with this myself. You want to be someone who frequently cooks for dinner parties with friends or who bakes for the office friends or who knits for the homeless or whatever it is. So we hold onto these things but really these items just bully us about the money wasted and the hobbies never picked up.
"The fantasy self the objects represent." That is so insightful! My mother hung onto her hiking and camping equipment from the 1970's..when she died we took almost all of it to the dump. My husband refuses to part with two pairs of hiking boots from that era--they are obsolete, and he owns a pair of modern boots. We have his ice axe, his down coat (size XS and he is, uh, no longer an XS)--he absolutely refuses to consider getting rid of these items. Same with a bunch of his college textbooks. I call them his "sacred totems." They're not used or read. It drives me crazy when I go downstairs and have to look at all that crap on a shelf in the storage room and I have no room to store stuff we actually use.
The challenge is understanding that getting rid of things doesn’t mean we didn’t do them, or couldn’t do them again, or that we will forget the self that did those things. I struggle with this like lots of people do. One of my biggies is keeping things that “prove” my kids had a happy-enough childhood (just left a painful marriage after 34 yrs #slowlearner). If I can believe it; if how they’re doing now can be proof enough, then I don’t need this “evidence” for myself. Easier said than done, of course. All that to say, stuff is *emotional* and you have to deal with the emotion behind it before you can truly let go. #stilltrying
Thanks so much for answering my question, Rebecca. The CPAP is on its way out! I hadn’t thought about the technology becoming obsolete, and everyone is right that medical equipment should be moved on to those who need it in the present. I have been ramping up my decluttering fervour and finding it easier to make the call to let go of old possible selves the more decisions I make in that direction. The cake decorating stuff remains all emotional for me, in a way the CPAP isn’t, so I am going to do the date thing you suggest: a post-it with a deadline. That feels good and calming. 😌 Thanks again!
I'd definitely sell the CPAP machine. Easier said than done, but having confidence in being able to afford a medical device in the future feels like the hidden victory of selling a high value item you *might* need in the future. I also like to frame these tricky situations with a "shame on me for holding onto this and let it collect dust when somebody else could actually be using it!" Then, I like to actually meet the person I'm selling via Facebook marketplace and somehow it is always nice to see the item off to a new owner who is usually quite excited about their great new find.
Just to piggyback on the last comment, I work for an estate attorney and have cleaned or helped clean out many deceased persons’ home.
If the CpAp machine works and you don’t need it, consider giving it away.
In 5-10 years, the technology will have advanced or the tubes will have become brittle or some other issue that will render the device unusable.
Those machines can save lives or make someone’s life SO. MUCH. BETTER. that it would be a blessing to share.
If it is one thing I’ve learned in my 5+ years of this job, get rid of things that you don’t/cant/wont use.
While you are alive, you can make sure that your treasures go where you want them to go.
We bring in a dumpster.
The amount of time a client will pay for me/your children/your friends to find a likely charity, box it up and get it there, is going to be a sunk cost.
I vote donate the CPAP and anything else you’ve got in some closet for ‘someday’ or ‘maybe’.
Sylvia.
P.S. the most interesting part of that question was how/why she no longer needs the CPAP machine. Please share that story.
Maybe it will inspire someone else’s health journey or kick off a discussion about survivor’s grief and how to let go of a loved one’s items.
Hello 👋🏼 I am the questioner. I had mild sleep apnoea that prompted the need for the CPAP, but a few years ago I started taping my mouth to sleep, and I slept much better and deeply. I still do! I had another sleep test recently and no longer have sleep apnoea! In that time I actually gained some weight so I don’t think my health changed per se, just the mechanisms of breathing while I was asleep. 😀
Wow, the miracles I keep hearing about mouth tape never cease. Maybe that should be the headline here — “How I found mouth tape and got rid of my $5,000 CPAP machine”
And good news is that the new machines are much cheaper! The one I just got started with is the RedMed airsense 11 and you can get it for about $1000 (not insurance - if you buy direct). And hooray for not needing one now!!
For things like baby equipment (and maybe the CPAP?), consider giving to someone who needs it now with the caveat that you may ask for it back in the future. We did this with things like our bassinet, which our friends used and then returned before we had our second, and with some pieces of art that don’t work well with our current apartment setup. Before throwing something out (or donating it to a place where it may be downcycled or thrown out) I also try to factor in the environmental cost of buying it again. I’d much rather give to an individual who I know will use it.
This is a great idea! My loose group of acquaintances in my town passed around the same bundle of maternity clothes for years. Whoever was pregnant had The Bundle, and everyone knew to go to her when they became pregnant (only works for similarly sized people of course, but with maternity you don't fret over fit as much).
So my questions about the CPAP machine and other technology-driven items are how old are they, how well were they made, how repairable are they, is there/will there be newer versions that make what you have obsolete? I wanted a wireless keyboard and my husband got one from his brother, who had been holding onto one for just such a circumstance. Only it's not wireless it's a plug-in and it's not a regular USB plug. So it's obsolete...We also have my mother-in-law's vacuum cleaner (yes, you are seeing a pattern). She died in 2003 and we had it repaired maybe 5 years later. We haven't always used it consistently, but we use it all the time now and used it intermittently over the years. If it breaks, though, we probably wouldn't be able to fix it. So ....these are other consider
Good point! Outdated technology benefits exactly no one. Better to re-home it now while it's current and usable. There are tech recycling places in most cities for obsolete items.
A related question I often struggle with is whether to keep an item or item(s) that I don’t use often but that belong to a category of items I use all the time. For example, if I bake a lot and love to try new recipes, should I hold on to the tart pan I haven’t use in many years because it seems likely I will use it again at some point? I think lots of hobby gear (craft supplies, sporting goods, games, etc) could raise this same issue.
Do you have a tool library nearby? The one here in Chicago has tons of hobby stuff (including baking tools!) so that could be a place to donate if they take stuff and also borrow from again in the future if you actually do make that tart next year
I also think it's worth asking if you need the things like the cake decorating set to still enjoy the activity. For example, I love making decadent cakes too, but I don't have any fancy tools that are taking up space in our home. You can rent or borrow things you might only need occassionally.
Hi, Rebecca. I love your work. The thing I agonize over is creative/craft stuff. I make a lot of gifts and I use crafts as meditation when I’m going through stuff and to drain intellectual overhead from my brain during ‘making’ binges. I’ve actually written about it. To help manage this beautifully I’m in the process of creating an art and design space for me and these materials. For example I’m on a making binge now making baskets from scrap yarn. If I only bought yarn for each project (which I might have done but went a different way with the project or never made it) I wouldn’t have all this beautiful yarn for these basket. So I do ultimately use these supplies. As I build this space I will review and purge non recyclable things that ‘might have been’. This is why in this case I believe that beautifully arranged easily accessed organization of these items is the answer here. Would love your thoughts on that.
I think you've answered your own question: "beautifully arranged easily accessed organization of these items is the answer here" That makes a lot of sense to me. And if your system stops working at some point in the future, and you notice you don't use all your materials, then reassess.
P.S.—I know it is just my brain, but AI images so often seem kind of menacing. Would I feel this way about this pic if I didn’t know it was AI-generated? Well, maybe—it is a little too rigidly staged.
I’ve recently started mouth taping as well. My sleep has been crappy since my kids were born (32&30).
I do think it has helped. I think I’ve slept through the night consistently once I got the correct ones for me. I don’t think that has happened on a consistent basis since I was in my twenties. (Turning 62 next week.)
I’ve had similar conversations with a decluttering client who has hoarding disorder and a shopping addiction (Not that holding onto something important and expensive makes you a hoarder!). She also has extra CPAP machines as backups and all sorts of extra tubes, etc, some of which she ordered during one of my appointments. My questions about needing an entire 2nd or 3rd machine vs just some of the parts didn’t help. Obviously her situation is different, given the disorder and past trauma she is working through.
But I’ve also had lots of conversations about small kitchen appliances. The panini press plus Foreman style grill, Instant Pot, Vitamix plus Bullet plus multiple sizes of food processor, toaster oven, air fryer, etc all living in one kitchen. All collecting dust and filling cabinets to the brim. And I work predominantly with single midlife and more mature women. And most of them have indicated they don’t cook a lot.
I think holding onto things like this is really twofold: the money spent and the fantasy self the objects represent. I’ve certainly struggled with this myself. You want to be someone who frequently cooks for dinner parties with friends or who bakes for the office friends or who knits for the homeless or whatever it is. So we hold onto these things but really these items just bully us about the money wasted and the hobbies never picked up.
"The fantasy self the objects represent." That is so insightful! My mother hung onto her hiking and camping equipment from the 1970's..when she died we took almost all of it to the dump. My husband refuses to part with two pairs of hiking boots from that era--they are obsolete, and he owns a pair of modern boots. We have his ice axe, his down coat (size XS and he is, uh, no longer an XS)--he absolutely refuses to consider getting rid of these items. Same with a bunch of his college textbooks. I call them his "sacred totems." They're not used or read. It drives me crazy when I go downstairs and have to look at all that crap on a shelf in the storage room and I have no room to store stuff we actually use.
The challenge is understanding that getting rid of things doesn’t mean we didn’t do them, or couldn’t do them again, or that we will forget the self that did those things. I struggle with this like lots of people do. One of my biggies is keeping things that “prove” my kids had a happy-enough childhood (just left a painful marriage after 34 yrs #slowlearner). If I can believe it; if how they’re doing now can be proof enough, then I don’t need this “evidence” for myself. Easier said than done, of course. All that to say, stuff is *emotional* and you have to deal with the emotion behind it before you can truly let go. #stilltrying
That last paragraph hits home!
Thanks so much for answering my question, Rebecca. The CPAP is on its way out! I hadn’t thought about the technology becoming obsolete, and everyone is right that medical equipment should be moved on to those who need it in the present. I have been ramping up my decluttering fervour and finding it easier to make the call to let go of old possible selves the more decisions I make in that direction. The cake decorating stuff remains all emotional for me, in a way the CPAP isn’t, so I am going to do the date thing you suggest: a post-it with a deadline. That feels good and calming. 😌 Thanks again!
Katie, thank you for letting us all mull over your quandary. What a lovely discussion this has been.
Indeed! Thank you so much!
I'd definitely sell the CPAP machine. Easier said than done, but having confidence in being able to afford a medical device in the future feels like the hidden victory of selling a high value item you *might* need in the future. I also like to frame these tricky situations with a "shame on me for holding onto this and let it collect dust when somebody else could actually be using it!" Then, I like to actually meet the person I'm selling via Facebook marketplace and somehow it is always nice to see the item off to a new owner who is usually quite excited about their great new find.
Just to piggyback on the last comment, I work for an estate attorney and have cleaned or helped clean out many deceased persons’ home.
If the CpAp machine works and you don’t need it, consider giving it away.
In 5-10 years, the technology will have advanced or the tubes will have become brittle or some other issue that will render the device unusable.
Those machines can save lives or make someone’s life SO. MUCH. BETTER. that it would be a blessing to share.
If it is one thing I’ve learned in my 5+ years of this job, get rid of things that you don’t/cant/wont use.
While you are alive, you can make sure that your treasures go where you want them to go.
We bring in a dumpster.
The amount of time a client will pay for me/your children/your friends to find a likely charity, box it up and get it there, is going to be a sunk cost.
I vote donate the CPAP and anything else you’ve got in some closet for ‘someday’ or ‘maybe’.
Sylvia.
P.S. the most interesting part of that question was how/why she no longer needs the CPAP machine. Please share that story.
Maybe it will inspire someone else’s health journey or kick off a discussion about survivor’s grief and how to let go of a loved one’s items.
Hello 👋🏼 I am the questioner. I had mild sleep apnoea that prompted the need for the CPAP, but a few years ago I started taping my mouth to sleep, and I slept much better and deeply. I still do! I had another sleep test recently and no longer have sleep apnoea! In that time I actually gained some weight so I don’t think my health changed per se, just the mechanisms of breathing while I was asleep. 😀
Wow, the miracles I keep hearing about mouth tape never cease. Maybe that should be the headline here — “How I found mouth tape and got rid of my $5,000 CPAP machine”
I know it’s kind of crazy!
And good news is that the new machines are much cheaper! The one I just got started with is the RedMed airsense 11 and you can get it for about $1000 (not insurance - if you buy direct). And hooray for not needing one now!!
I love your note at the end. I was also curious about that.
I love that the CPAP question is such a hot topic. These are all great considerations!
Health stuff is hard. All of our bodies fail, eventually.
Emily bringing the deep thoughts & reality check
For things like baby equipment (and maybe the CPAP?), consider giving to someone who needs it now with the caveat that you may ask for it back in the future. We did this with things like our bassinet, which our friends used and then returned before we had our second, and with some pieces of art that don’t work well with our current apartment setup. Before throwing something out (or donating it to a place where it may be downcycled or thrown out) I also try to factor in the environmental cost of buying it again. I’d much rather give to an individual who I know will use it.
This is a great idea! My loose group of acquaintances in my town passed around the same bundle of maternity clothes for years. Whoever was pregnant had The Bundle, and everyone knew to go to her when they became pregnant (only works for similarly sized people of course, but with maternity you don't fret over fit as much).
So my questions about the CPAP machine and other technology-driven items are how old are they, how well were they made, how repairable are they, is there/will there be newer versions that make what you have obsolete? I wanted a wireless keyboard and my husband got one from his brother, who had been holding onto one for just such a circumstance. Only it's not wireless it's a plug-in and it's not a regular USB plug. So it's obsolete...We also have my mother-in-law's vacuum cleaner (yes, you are seeing a pattern). She died in 2003 and we had it repaired maybe 5 years later. We haven't always used it consistently, but we use it all the time now and used it intermittently over the years. If it breaks, though, we probably wouldn't be able to fix it. So ....these are other consider
ations for keeping or tossing.
Good point! Outdated technology benefits exactly no one. Better to re-home it now while it's current and usable. There are tech recycling places in most cities for obsolete items.
A related question I often struggle with is whether to keep an item or item(s) that I don’t use often but that belong to a category of items I use all the time. For example, if I bake a lot and love to try new recipes, should I hold on to the tart pan I haven’t use in many years because it seems likely I will use it again at some point? I think lots of hobby gear (craft supplies, sporting goods, games, etc) could raise this same issue.
My rule is if you don't use it, away it goes. Using something adjacent to the item isn't the same as using the item.
Do you have a tool library nearby? The one here in Chicago has tons of hobby stuff (including baking tools!) so that could be a place to donate if they take stuff and also borrow from again in the future if you actually do make that tart next year
I also think it's worth asking if you need the things like the cake decorating set to still enjoy the activity. For example, I love making decadent cakes too, but I don't have any fancy tools that are taking up space in our home. You can rent or borrow things you might only need occassionally.
Hi, Rebecca. I love your work. The thing I agonize over is creative/craft stuff. I make a lot of gifts and I use crafts as meditation when I’m going through stuff and to drain intellectual overhead from my brain during ‘making’ binges. I’ve actually written about it. To help manage this beautifully I’m in the process of creating an art and design space for me and these materials. For example I’m on a making binge now making baskets from scrap yarn. If I only bought yarn for each project (which I might have done but went a different way with the project or never made it) I wouldn’t have all this beautiful yarn for these basket. So I do ultimately use these supplies. As I build this space I will review and purge non recyclable things that ‘might have been’. This is why in this case I believe that beautifully arranged easily accessed organization of these items is the answer here. Would love your thoughts on that.
I think you've answered your own question: "beautifully arranged easily accessed organization of these items is the answer here" That makes a lot of sense to me. And if your system stops working at some point in the future, and you notice you don't use all your materials, then reassess.
Yes this!
Thank you. I know when it comes to ‘stuff’ we frequently kid ourselves🤪
P.S.—I know it is just my brain, but AI images so often seem kind of menacing. Would I feel this way about this pic if I didn’t know it was AI-generated? Well, maybe—it is a little too rigidly staged.
how does the 90/90 rule work for seasonal items? xmas stuff? bathing suits? if it was 180/180 i get it...
I’ve recently started mouth taping as well. My sleep has been crappy since my kids were born (32&30).
I do think it has helped. I think I’ve slept through the night consistently once I got the correct ones for me. I don’t think that has happened on a consistent basis since I was in my twenties. (Turning 62 next week.)