The unbearable lightness of getting rid of things
You can do this. We can do this. Promise.
I shared a list a few weeks ago of places that will take items you’re getting rid of and reuse or recycle them (click here if you missed “5 No-guilt ways to part with clutter”).
But what if you can’t even get started? If you can’t bear to part with your clutter? What if it causes you physical pain to imagine getting rid of things…even though you know you should?
This post is for you!
Building the muscle of decluttering is a useful lifelong skill. The more you do it, the easier it gets—promise! Believe it or not, I used to be a collector, a hanger-on of memories. I had bins and bins of mementos. Magazine clippings, posters, and old ballet pointe shoes covered all the walls of my childhood bedroom.
But over the years I became a decluttering bodybuilder (how far will I take this metaphor?) and now I get a surge of dopamine whenever I get rid of something. I even get dopamine when I reminisce about getting rid of things. The rewards are there if you can push through the initial resistance.
Decluttering’s siren song calls you, reader, promising many riches:
Aforementioned dopamine hits
Time back. You’ll be shocked how much time you’d been spending dealing with and working around clutter. Everyone who massively declutters notices how much more free time they have afterwards.
Lower stress. Looking at clutter raises cortisol levels (our stress hormone), particularly in women.
Saved money. Decluttering teaches your body that it’s painful to accumulate things, making impulse purchases less fun.
With our motivation refreshed, I’ll next cover what clutter is, technically. Then we’ll explore strategies for parting with the most challenging types of clutter.
Find out what’s really going on
Let’s define our terms quickly. Clutter is stuff you don’t use regularly or enjoy looking at. Most pro organizers agree that if you don’t use it or deeply love and display it, then it’s extraneous and likely needs to go.
Know that clutter is never about the Stuff. Whether you’re a minimalist or maximalist, holding onto stuff that isn’t serving you isn’t about the objects themselves.It’s rather about the emotions underneath, so if you’re struggling then consider what the stuff represents to you, or what it’s helping cover up.
For instance:
If you hang onto old magazines, books, etc, could it be about feeling insecure about missing important information?
Could the inherited china (or inherited whatever it is) be about missing the person who passed away, or a self-identity that it’s your job to preserve the family history? Is this a role you truly need to take on?
Could your collection of concert posters be about remembering the person you used to be, who used to go to lots of concerts? Does getting rid of them make you worry you’ll be losing a part of yourself?
What about your hoard of craft supplies? Do you collect art supplies you never use because you have a vision of being the sort of person who makes art every day?
The endless pseudo-frugality of “what if I need this one day” could be covering past trauma you haven’t processed, or a scarcity mindset.
What to do with your new insight
Once you understand what’s driving your attachment to the objects, the next step is to separate the emotion from the object.
If your attachment is sentimental (photos, inherited items, childhood artwork), consider how you can honor the memory without holding onto the item. Consider that keeping a dusty box of something in the basement you never look at isn’t really honoring the memory. You could photograph the item, or digitize physical photos, or frame a corner of the special blanket, or make a photo album of the most special memories, perhaps with a handwritten caption giving the history and context. Ask yourself how you can best honor the memory that the physical item represents.
If your attachment is identity (as in, this object represents part of my identity), reflect on the fact that you’re still you regardless of owning this object. Also, does having the items stuffed into a closet you never look at really do anything to reaffirm this identity? Maybe you can choose the single most special item (say it’s a concert poster, ticket stub, or photo) and display it proudly, while getting rid of the rest of the collection.
If you can’t let go of the dream of a future, improved self (for instance, a collection of art supplies or jeans that you hope to one day fit into), reflect on the reality of who you are today and embrace that person. It is simply unkind to yourself to hold onto clothes that don’t fit — do not let your clothing police your body, period.* Think about the unused art supplies being so sad to be neglected, and how much happier they’ll be living with someone who uses and enjoys them. Consider that when you are ready to embrace your art-making self, there will be art supplies in the world ready to be adopted.
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