I guess the question is always why others in the house can't do these small tidy-ups? I know that no one else does them in my house. This was my mother's beef when I was growing up, so I know I didn't do it then, but I do it now. I would say that only some people are able to see the clutter, but it's very gendered and falls into the mental load we talk about.
It is the question indeed! My family members do a lot of the tidying, but with 4 people including 2 people under 10, there are limits to what I can expect. I focus on appreciating what they DO do, and on setting up systems that are easy for me to maintain for the rest. I need to do a newsletter all about this -- co-living with people who have different clutter thresholds and habits is a recurring theme around here.
I come off a little harsh since my husband does quite a bit around here - laundry, dishes, etc. It’s that “last mile” of tidying that is the challenge.
I'm in a similar situation, with a partner who is a true coparent and reliably handles meals, dishes, mowing, and refuse, but I often have to remind him that being a champ at 10 chores doesn't negate the fact that there are 30 chores and there's more to be done. I find that that "last mile" of tidying is what prevents me from having "me time" at the end of each day, because I'm the only one in the house who cares to do it! (Does this make tidying my "me time"? Ugh.)
Yes! I’d love this. I’m in the newborn phase right now and the different clutter thresholds of my husband and myself are challenging. He does so much around the house but cleaning up clutter is not one of those things.
Those minutes after the kids leave the house with my partner for the day are golden! I make my rounds, flushing toilets, turning off lights, throwing things away, loading the dishwasher from breakfast, clearing the counters, resetting our common spaces. (Oh, and the QUIET!)
My partner has ADHD and sometimes getting him to open his mail and deal with his items can be tough. Right now I just keep one pile of his things (including the mail he'll wait weeks or more to open, though I do sort and filter out the junk) contained to one area, but the pile still drives me crazy. Compromises, I suppose.
We're about to do a big gut kitchen remodel that will eliminate his kitchen dump zones, which he swears will eliminate the clutter / mess, but lacking another system to deal with the same things as they come into the house, I'm nervous about it. I have a feeling I'll be creating a new system for our entryway this fall, when it's done --though that's already kind of a cluster. It's always a work in progress, I suppose!
The quiet is heavenly! Your kitchen remodel is exciting, and yes will certainly lead to the need for new systems. Best of luck, and I'm here if you need me!
Struggling to be able to run these processes at the moment. I don't have any time without my children and right now I need the sleep too much to be able to do a lot after they're in bed or before they wake up. But then everything descends into chaos so fast and that contributes to feeling overwhelmed during the day. I don't know what to do. 😔
I hear you. It's really hard when you don't have a moment alone when you're not wiped out. This intense period will pass, I promise! And in the meantime I find if I just focus on having fewer possessions things can't get too insanely bad.
When I was working in an office, my rule was "never handle a piece of paper twice." At home that means tossing junk mail, opening mail and dealing with it. If I can't pay immediately, the bill sits at my chair side where I see it daily. I also put a date on my calendar so I pay it as soon as I'm able. I deal with my email every day. The only things in my inbox are messages I want to see daily. (Usually one's I'm waiting for a response on.)
I like the time before the rest of the household gets up.
I can plan a grocery list! I can get the fruit and nuts cut up to put in the breakfast cereal! I can get some beans and rice washed and put in the crock pot--then cut up some vegetables, some ginger, turmeric, and garlic to add later! Good, peaceful moments. (maybe time to empty the dishwasher too!!!) --craig
Oh I love that time too, Craig! Now that I have early-rising kids I don't have that time but I look forward to one day having them sleep in and getting my morning peace again :)
I guess the question is always why others in the house can't do these small tidy-ups? I know that no one else does them in my house. This was my mother's beef when I was growing up, so I know I didn't do it then, but I do it now. I would say that only some people are able to see the clutter, but it's very gendered and falls into the mental load we talk about.
It is the question indeed! My family members do a lot of the tidying, but with 4 people including 2 people under 10, there are limits to what I can expect. I focus on appreciating what they DO do, and on setting up systems that are easy for me to maintain for the rest. I need to do a newsletter all about this -- co-living with people who have different clutter thresholds and habits is a recurring theme around here.
I come off a little harsh since my husband does quite a bit around here - laundry, dishes, etc. It’s that “last mile” of tidying that is the challenge.
I'm in a similar situation, with a partner who is a true coparent and reliably handles meals, dishes, mowing, and refuse, but I often have to remind him that being a champ at 10 chores doesn't negate the fact that there are 30 chores and there's more to be done. I find that that "last mile" of tidying is what prevents me from having "me time" at the end of each day, because I'm the only one in the house who cares to do it! (Does this make tidying my "me time"? Ugh.)
Yes! I’d love this. I’m in the newborn phase right now and the different clutter thresholds of my husband and myself are challenging. He does so much around the house but cleaning up clutter is not one of those things.
Those minutes after the kids leave the house with my partner for the day are golden! I make my rounds, flushing toilets, turning off lights, throwing things away, loading the dishwasher from breakfast, clearing the counters, resetting our common spaces. (Oh, and the QUIET!)
My partner has ADHD and sometimes getting him to open his mail and deal with his items can be tough. Right now I just keep one pile of his things (including the mail he'll wait weeks or more to open, though I do sort and filter out the junk) contained to one area, but the pile still drives me crazy. Compromises, I suppose.
We're about to do a big gut kitchen remodel that will eliminate his kitchen dump zones, which he swears will eliminate the clutter / mess, but lacking another system to deal with the same things as they come into the house, I'm nervous about it. I have a feeling I'll be creating a new system for our entryway this fall, when it's done --though that's already kind of a cluster. It's always a work in progress, I suppose!
The quiet is heavenly! Your kitchen remodel is exciting, and yes will certainly lead to the need for new systems. Best of luck, and I'm here if you need me!
Struggling to be able to run these processes at the moment. I don't have any time without my children and right now I need the sleep too much to be able to do a lot after they're in bed or before they wake up. But then everything descends into chaos so fast and that contributes to feeling overwhelmed during the day. I don't know what to do. 😔
I hear you. It's really hard when you don't have a moment alone when you're not wiped out. This intense period will pass, I promise! And in the meantime I find if I just focus on having fewer possessions things can't get too insanely bad.
When I was working in an office, my rule was "never handle a piece of paper twice." At home that means tossing junk mail, opening mail and dealing with it. If I can't pay immediately, the bill sits at my chair side where I see it daily. I also put a date on my calendar so I pay it as soon as I'm able. I deal with my email every day. The only things in my inbox are messages I want to see daily. (Usually one's I'm waiting for a response on.)
Only handle it once (OHIO) is a great rule.
I like the time before the rest of the household gets up.
I can plan a grocery list! I can get the fruit and nuts cut up to put in the breakfast cereal! I can get some beans and rice washed and put in the crock pot--then cut up some vegetables, some ginger, turmeric, and garlic to add later! Good, peaceful moments. (maybe time to empty the dishwasher too!!!) --craig
Oh I love that time too, Craig! Now that I have early-rising kids I don't have that time but I look forward to one day having them sleep in and getting my morning peace again :)
I love the clothespin for bills! Clever. My systems are more about setting things out the night before: clothes, coffee, lunch to take to work.
I DON'T HAVE ANY
which is why my home life does not work.
I got tired of asking myself why others in the house can't do the small tidy-ups, so I stopped doing them too.
Frankly I think the only solution now is to move house.